It Gets Better

This brought a tear to my eye today. It is a video basically telling young LGBT people that however bad it may seem in school, it does get better. Why the message? Well this project is the brainchild of Dan Savage, and he puts it thusly:

Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his grandmother's property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to kill himself. His mother found his body.

Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.

"My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy Lucas," a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. "I wish I could have told you that things get better."

I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.

But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.

Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.

So here's what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.

I've launched a channel on YouTube—www ­.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don't dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we've gone and things we've experienced—that we would've missed out on if we'd killed ourselves then.

"You gotta give 'em hope," Harvey Milk said.

Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them.

The video my husband and I made is up now—all by itself. I'd like to add submissions from other gay and lesbian adults—singles and couples, with kids or without, established in careers or just starting out, urban and rural, of all races and religious backgrounds. (Go to www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject to find instructions for submitting your video.) If you're gay or lesbian or bi or trans and you've ever read about a kid like Billy Lucas and thought, "Fuck, I wish I could've told him that it gets better," this is your chance. We can't help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don't think they have a future—and we can help them.

They need to know that it gets better. Submit a video. Give them hope.

Many more videos can be found on the It Gets Better project YouTube channel.

Edit: And you just gotta check out the Pink Singers' own It Gets Better video!

Pride In Yourself, Proud To Be

There are few things which tire me out as much as a full day of Pride: that is, marching the long two-hour stretch from Baker Street to Whitehall, followed by waiting around to perform on stage. Yet I do it year in year out, even if this year I found it so tiring that after dinner in Chinatown, this Pink Insider wanted nothing more than to conga-line his way through the throngs of Soho in order to get home. Note to self: do not wear flip flops as there is a distinct risk of being stabbed by broken glass from below and a spikey stilletto from above.

So, why do I keep doing it? Well this quote from a commentor (Joanne in Twickenham) in the Metro newspaper really struck a chord with me:

The reason Pride - which is a celebration of all human sexualities [...] - includes a march as well as the rally is because Pride began as a protest march against intolerance and injustice. Nobody marched for any special rights or privileges. The Gay Rights movement worked towards equality, to bring their rights and their place in society into line with the straight majority.

We're almost there and getting closer every day. The freedoms that I enjoy today were won through blood, legal oppression and police brutality. I honour that struggle every year at Pride, while acknowledging that every human is born able to grow into someone to be proud of.

Hooray to Pride, and to many more to come!

Pride London 2010, Pinkies, GLF

One of the big problems facing Pride nowadays is that there is a tension between those who see the parade and festival as a celebration, those who see it is a marketing ploy and those who want to use it as a platform for social change. I have no problems with celebration, but the chasing of the pink pound really does grate.

Pride to me is about not having to hide who we are, which as this year has shown, is not something you can do is just any country, nor even sometimes in this one. That we have any kind of security at all now is thanks in no small part to the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) which was formed after the Stonewall Riots in New York in 1969. The first GLF UK protest march in 1971 became the Pride parade we know of today. The Pink Singers were formed in 1983 to add music to the protest and have been marching and singing at every one ever since. To read what Lou T, Kate N and Philip R have to say about the significance of Pride London and the Pinkies, have a look at the article on the Pinkies' website.

Edit: And as if by psychic magic, Paul Burston writes a wonderful piece on his blog about why Pride London is so important.

Playing It Straight

If there is one adjective which really annoys me, it is the term "straight-acting". To me it carries so much internalized homophobia and self-loathing that anyone who uses it on themselves immediately creates a negative impression. While I do understand that society sets sexuality up as a straight/gay binary, this is completely presumptious. Just because one does not have a penchant for footy team shirts or walks with a certain swishiness does not make one homosexual.

So it was with a mix of annoyance and curiousness that this weekend the Pink insider watched Playing it Straight on 4oD. For those of you who have not seen it before, it is a twist on the traditional dating programme where one girl is sent on a series of dates to find the man of her dreams amongst a bevy of 10 eligble bachelors. In this particular case the twist is that half of them are gay. If she picks a straight man, they get £50,000 each. If she picks a gay man she gets nothing, while he gets the entire £100,000 prize money.

For a good critique on this programme, and on the whole heteronormative dating show genre, do take a look at this rather marvellous All Business article on the contruction of reality dating show heterosexuality. The Pink Insider was most annoyed that the contest required the gay contestants to "go back into the closet", reinforcing the "otherness" of being gay. Yes, the alleged aim of the show, i.e. the breaking down of stereotypes, was noble, but when the gay chap who eventually won it proudly declared that he was not a poof, a little bit of me died inside. Why does anyone need to expurgate these so-called "feminine" characteristics to feel validated as a gay man?

Anyway, I am glad that the two contestants for whom I was rooting - the charming and well-spoken Alex and the exuberant and comic Jonny - both turned out to be homosexual. It had nothing to do with a gaydar, these two were, for me, the most balanced individuals on the show, who also just happened to be gay.

Team Pinkies At The Pride Run 2010

Yay! In what has become a bit of a tradition, the Pink Singers are fielding a team for the Pride Run. This is organized by the London Frontrunners, and is always a fun day, with a run in the late morning, a picnic in the afternoon, and a party after that! At the same time we will be raising funds for the London Lesbian & Gay Switchboard, so it really is all good. If you are Pink Singer, join the Facebook group and register now - places go very quickly.

I Give A Damn, Do You?

The big news today appears to be Anna Paquin coming out as bisexual. I love her in True Blood, but not being a particularly obsessive person, have never really thought about what she is like in real life. It turns out that things aren't really so different as she is actually in a relationship with the actor who plays Bill the vampire. Anyway, that's by-the-bye.

Ms. Paquin's closet busting move was in aid of Give A Damn, an on-line campaign to promote LGBT rights, with a focus on the law - employment protection and marriage. However much people may or may not doubt the efficacy of these efforts, for those of us who are out or even coming out, it is reassuring to see statements of support by famous people, both straight and gay, trying to fight injustice.

Here's the main promo video. This Pink Insider totally loves Jason Mraz! Check out more on their YouTube channel.

First In, Last Out

James Randi has just come out. At the ripe age of 81, the pseudoscience skeptic and debunker who writes the ever entertaining and informative Swift blog decided that it was time:

I should apologize for having used Swift as the venue to publish this note, an item that is hardly the focus of what we promote and publish here, but I chose the single most public asset I have to make this statement. It’s from here that I have attacked irrationality, stupidity, and irresponsibility, and it is my broadest platform. Here is where I have chosen to stand and fight.

And I think that I have already won this battle by simply publishing this statement.

Bravo!

Here Come The Boyats!

Thought I'd post a link to an interesting article in this week's Economist on boyat, Qatari women who dress like men. Frankly, since Qatari men don't seem to wear "baggy trousers" anyway, I'm not sure exactly how this allusion is made, but it is clearly causing some consternation in the rather conservative society.

What I find much more interesting is the UAE's "Excuse me, I'm a girl" campaign which "[stresses] the virtues of femininity and [raises] awareness of the presumed dangers of women looking like men." Ironically in London the "women who look like men" are the ones who I "presume to be dangerous". Tongue firmly in cheek, you know I love you really!

Why I Take Photos

I am no Ansel Adams but I guess the one thing the Pink Insider is known for is the almost obsessive photography, and now videography, of all Pink Singers’ events. Over the years, I’ve had a couple of friendly gibes sent my way about it, and this week Joanna came round for dinner, and asked me why I’m so fastidious about capturing every event, so I thought I’d put my thoughts down on this subject. Why does the Pink Insider take so many photos?

I can tell you what precipitated it: about 4 years ago when the Pinkies’ website was being redesigned I remember looking for new photos to fill the pages. Sadly, at the time we were hamstrung my rather oppressive guidelines regarding photography and privacy, and that meant we had a grand total of a dozen photos which we could use. It also put people off taking any photos at all, and the ones which were taken weren’t really shared with others, so the choir didn’t really have any access to them anyway. It was then that I decided to fix the situation by at least taking some pics, principally for use on the website, but also as a memento of events we had organized or participated in.

Fast forward to today, and we live in a digital age where most phones have cameras, and sharing pics is as easy as pressing a button on Facebook. The choir itself has much clearer guidelines on the use of photography and are now striking a good balance between the privacy needs of individual members of the choir and the publicity needs of the choir as a whole. And we also have regular pro photographers taking our pictures, which helps in developing a good stock of photographs which can be used for the choir’s promotion.

On the face of it then, some of the pragmatic demands for photography have been satisfied. But at the same time, some of the more fundamental uses of photography must continue to be addressed. I hail from a former British colony, and as such, am very interested in issues to deal with culture and identity, and how they are represented in history. For that reason I love the field of post-colonialism, and am a fan of writers like Edward Said who question the foundation of historiography and its wealthy, white, straight, male bias. Certainly the views of the minority are often left out in the narrative of society, often because these views are not considered important.

In that context then, I particularly enjoy speaking to people like Philip R and Michael De because they have such fascinating stories about the Pink Singers in the early days. My fear is that unless we capture these tales, they will be lost to history. Liang has been working on a project to collate and archive all the material the Pink Singers produced in our first quarter century; being given such a window into our past is an amazing privilege. The sad thing, however, is that material from that time is both scanty and patchy, and so our early story is not a continuous one.

Recently Bill, one of our longest-standing members, decided he was going to retire from the choir. As a thank you for being such a dedicated member we created an album of his pictures over the last ten years. Thankfully when the request went out, members who had been in the choir as long as he were forthcoming about sharing their photos, but the reality is that this is only possible because these Pinkies were still in the choir. When members leave the choir they take their memories with them, and as a choir we lose a part of ourselves in the process.

So I take snaps, and I share photos, and I write about my experiences in the choir because I love the Pink Singers and I want to let people know about what my experience of being in London’s LGBT community choir is like. And it is not just the big events which are important, the small moments are as key in painting our picture. Not just for now, but for the future too.

Straight To The Point

I had a rather odd evening two nights ago. After class I was invited out for drinks with some of the guys in my tutorial group. They are all straight rugby/ football player types with whom I didn't think I had any obvious affinity. The idea of spending an entire evening chatting about women and sports actually filled me with some trepidation. But social duty beckoned, and I went along with the intention of ducking out with an excuse if things became uncomfortable.

As it happens though, I had a really great time: all the blokes were fantastic, really friendly, and we had loads to chat about. The lesson I learned is that I have my own prejudices when it comes to straight people (guys especially), and for that reason I guess I tend to socialize with other gay people where I can "be myself". But these guys were also pretty open minded, and I felt no inhibitions beyond my usual straight-laced self. It was a new discovery for me.

Hate Crime - Why?

The overriding feeling of those of us at the Anti-Hate Crime Protest in Trafalgar Square last week was, "Why is this still happening?" The memorial to Ian Baynham coincided with another attack on a gay policeman called James Parkes the week before, and the bigoted hate-ridden post by Jan Moir in the Daily Mail. It all served as a chilling reminder that although we take it for granted sometimes that we have almost achieved parity in the eyes of the law, in reality certain segments of society are far from accepting.

So it was rather heart warming that so many people showed up in Trafalgar Square that cold Friday night to light a candle to remember not just Ian, but all those who have died in homophobic attacks around the country in the last decade. And while there was dismay as the names were read out, anger at those in the public eye who continue to spew hatred and frustration that we, as a community, were still standing on those steps, still having to fight for those basic human rights we all deserve, there was also a sense of pride. Pride that we could come together and pride that there continues to be something worth fighting for.

When we sang Seasons of Love, Something Inside So Strong and You'll never Walk Alone, the Pink Singers, together with LGMC, Ddiversity and voices from Brighton and Birmingham, and joined remotely by others in other cities around the country, I felt a sense of cohesion I don't often feel. This is a source of strength and something to hold on to.

Out Of Africa

It is a shame that I learnt of these rather gorgeous posters for the South African LGFF only through the report that they are being torn down in the streets of Cape Town. I'm doing my bit to virtually post them, but mainly because I really like the designs and want to share them!

2010 California Protection Of Marriage Act

In the wake of the farce that was the passing of Proposition 8 in California, one John Marcotte is taking the logic of 'protection of marriage' to its logical conclusion and asking that divorce be banned. He has set up a website called Rescue Marriage which makes for an amusing read. There is also an interview with him on Cockeyed.com. It is full of wodnerful quotes like:

People who supported Prop 8 weren't trying to take rights away from gays, they just wanted to protect traditional marriage. That's why I'm confident that they will support this initiative, even though this time it will be their rights that are diminished. To not support it would be hypocritical.

Britain Apologises To Alan Turing

There are some tragedies which are just too appalling to even think about. One of those is that of Alan Turing, the brilliant mathematician who cracked the Germans' engima code in World War II, helping to change the course of the war. In 'gratitude', he was arrested in 1952 for gross indecency (read 'being gay') and then chemically castrated. Two years later he committed suicide. Thankfully most of society has left that kind of bigotry behind, but it is important to recognise that a grave injustice was done, and apologise for it, if only to prevent such prejudice from ever rearing its ugly head again.

This is why it is so important that Gordon Brown issued an official apology to Alan Turing, and to the thousands of LGBT men and women who suffered at the hands of Britain Victorian laws. Bravo. And about time too.

Gay Marriage And The Constitution

Photo credit: Times of Malta
While in Malta I was reminded of much of the stigma and continued persecution many gay and lesbian people face. In London we are lucky to be in a society which embraces difference. Yet even in progressive countries like the U.S., and liberal states like California, we have the pernicious evil that is Prop 8.

I believe in equal rights for everyone, and also believe that we will have it soon, so that this gay and straight divide when it comes to marriage will eventually be seen as a quaint anachronism of the early 21st century. I just wish it were now.

The Wall Street Journal has a great article arguing for equality for gay people in a human rights context, and eloquently expresses how nasty a piece of legislation Prop 8 really is. A recommended read in full, but here are some choice quotes:

...basic constitutional rights cannot depend on the willingness of the electorate in any given state to end discrimination. If we were prepared to consign minority rights to a majority vote, there would be no need for a constitution.

...the ban on permitting gay and lesbian couples to actually marry is simply an attempt by the state to stigmatize a segment of its population that commits no offense other than falling in love with a disapproved partner, and asks no more of the state than to be treated equally with all other citizens.

The argument in favor of Proposition 8 ultimately comes down to no more than the tautological assertion that a marriage is between a man and a woman. But a slogan is not a substitute for constitutional analysis. Law is about justice, not bumper stickers.

Singing With Pride

It didn't start out well. Grey clouds rolled in at lunchtime and the few droplets of rain I felt going up Baker Street soon turned into a full-flegded downpour. Curse my leaving my umbrella at home in false optimism! I couldn't even find the Pinkies at first, my eye having been momentarily distracted by the Selfridges models wearing Calvin Klein. I did run into some of my twitter buddies from the LGMC though, and after walking along a bit I thought it prudent to perhaps loiter as the rest of the column walked past.

Call it fate, or a sign, but the sun came out at precisely the same moment I saw the Pink Singers, resplendent in our still-pretty-new T-shirts. The basses had baby pink eBay-derived wigs on and Jules went for the whole Dame Edna look. They looked absolutely fantastic! The Pinkies were also joined on the march by a number of WAGs, Lou being rather enterprising and buying a T-shirt for her other half which proclaimed as much.

This year's march has got to have been one of the best I've been on in terms of attendance. The pavements were packed from Baker Street all the way down Oxford Street, Regent Street, Picadilly Circus, Trafalgar Sqaure and even down into White Hall. This time round we were between a group in front selling web hosting (everyone knows IT geeks are strong in the way of the gayness) and the London Frontrunners (hurrah!) and the LGBT football clubs behind. The good thing about the IT geeks was that they had brought their own trannie DJ who played club classics as we were following, and that gave us some music to sing along to. You just can't stop us once the music gets going. Hmmm... Idea for next year's march perhaps?

Another idea is to have someone run along with a mobile bar. By the time we had turned into Regent Street I had reapplied my sunblock twice and gone through my litre bottle of water. Emelda had already downed her bottle of bubbly a junction earlier! Others had been drinking their own version of "Lilt" which meant they were in a decidedly good mood throughout the parade. At the end of the march I was feeling particularly prune-like and all I needed was a bit of a snooze.

The best was to come though, because the Pink Singers were on stage later on that evening. The good weather meant that the crowds were out in force, and the organizers were trumpeting that one million people were on the march. They couldn't all fit into Trafalgar Sqaure of course, but it it sure felt like it. The atmosphere was great, and the setting sun really cast a golden glow on the event.

The ever amazing Paleday came on stage, opening with Eurotramp, then segueing into the Pink Singers' emergence. Despite having had very little rehearsal and not knowing what the stage looked like before climbing the stairs, the whole process looked really smooth. The Pinkies launched into California Dreamin' much to the adulation of the audience. What really made the difference this year (apart from the weather) was the repertoire - which was what people wanted to hear and sing along with - and Paleday with their band and brass section. Everyone felt the vibe: not just the audience, but also the Pinkies who looked like they were having the best party of all on stage.

California Dreamin' was followed in quick succession by 70s Dance Party, introduced as ever by Philip R. Philip was at the very first Pride London march in 1971, which means this was his 38th Pride London, and he has been at all 26 of the Pink Singers' Pride Londons too. There was awed respect and a hearty round of applause for that.

When we first started rehearsing 70s Dance Party way back in February I never really thought it could be that good. But on stage at Pride when everyone was singing along, it felt so perfect. At one point the music seems to end, after Dancing Queen, and you could hear the crowd getting ready to whoop and clap, but then we started singing You're The One That I Want and the crowd went wild! The very last piece we did was a joint song with Paleday singing YMCA. It was a sight seeing everyone in Trafalgar Square doing the movements.

There has been much debate in the press about the depoliticisation of Pride, and while I do think that that is important, for people coming out, being overly strident can be a turn off. The march is especially significant regardless of how overt its activist credentials are, because while there are press-friendly muscle-bound men dressed in underwear and bearded bears made up like Dorothy, there are also people who don't conform to those stereotypes. Pride is that one day when gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals and everyone of all walks of life can emerge and wave their colours before merging with the rest of society for the rest of the year. The Pinkies are a microcosm of London LGBT life, and we are proud of it too!

Malta Pride

So you should know by now that we are closely associated with Pride London, having been created for Pride and actually performing at every Pride for the last 26 years. Well, this year we are taking our message farther afield. Indeed, we're off to Malta as the guests of the Malta Gay Rights Movement. it is the week after our summer concert (you've bought your ticket haven't you?) and although most of us will be taking a much needed break, we'll be keeping it gay anyway. Check out the Sounds of Diversity website for more details, but the gig will be in Valletta on the 18th of July 2009 and we are allegedly the highlight of the gay pride week in Malta. Hope to see you there!

P.S. All this talk of Pride makes me feel the need to remind people that it is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising; the event which kicked off the gay rights movement. 40 years on, like any civil rights movement, we've come a long way, but there is still a long way to go.

Pride London 2009 Dance Party!

Things are really heating up in Pinkie land. On Sunday we ran through nearly the entire repertoire for our summer concert. Things are still a little rough, but through the rough you can see glimmers of diamond. We are on full on polish mode until the concert on the 11th of July.

The week before that happens though is Pride London, and if you don't know by now, the Pink Singers have been associated with pride London for the last 26 years. It is an important factoid that we were created in 1983 for Pride London, and some of us (i.e. Philip R) have been at every Pride since. We're here, we're queer, get used to it!

We're on stage again in Trafalgar Square, but this year will be slightly different in that Paleday, Anthony's band, will be backing us. At the rehearsal on Sunday we had a chance to play with a recorded version, and it is sounding rather exciting. Until last week we had only heard the music to 70s Dance Party, which totally transformed it from something rather lifeless to a medley I know people are going to love. On Sunday, however, we got to hear the backing tracks for California Dreamin' and America. The former works especially well, and a recording of our rehearsal is now on loop at home because it sounds fantastic! These are sure to be crowd pleasers.

The only downer in all of this preparation is that the Pride stage is now too small of cope with our expanded numbers. This means that only 11 per section will be allowed up there. This Pink Insider will, sadly, not be one of those, so there is no inside scoop from me this year about the shenanigans that go on in the artistes' tent, but rest assured one of the other Pink Insiders will! No, I'll be out front for once taking photos, blogging and tweeting like crazy. If you see a mad overexcited Pink Singer, that is likely to be me. So stop me and pick up a flyer!

Pride London 2009 - What Are We Singing?

As regulars know the Pink Singers will be celebrating our 26th London Pride march this year. We started back in 1983 when the march was markedly less festive.This year we will be on the stage as usual, and praying for great weather and suitable amplification.

The question remains which songs in our repertoire we will be performing. The Pink Insider doesn't know for sure but has heard on the grapevine that we will be doing three numbers (still very subject to confirmation):

California Dreamin'
The Mamas and Pappas classic - the version we're singing is actually very similar to the original arrangement, apart from the end.

Seventies Dance Party
No gig would be complete without a medley, and what better than a montage of seventies classics? We have rehearsed this piece since the start of the season, but the Pink Insider hears that we'll be joined on stage by Paleday to glam it up!

And what is the mystery third song? Stay tuned...

Other #vvl Bits And Bobs

I thought I'd write down a few of my personal observations of Various Voices which, in the interest of brevity, Hsien wasn't able to.



Social Networking Hits Various Voices
This was the first Various Voices to make use of Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. The former two were ably run by Nathalina, and after a few teething problems, particularly to do with emails, we managed to get quite a lively community up and running there.

The one area which I think took off well was twitter though. It enabled people from different choirs to actually microblog about their experiences, and was a wonderful way of keeping track of what was going on. Most people used the hashtag #vvl, while others simply used "Various Voices". It was particularly great to actually meet the people behind the twitter handles.

Meeting Other Choristers
In addition to the big joint events like With One Voice, the Big Gay Sing, Sing For The Cure and Best In Show, one good way of meeting people from other choirs was the workshops. I attended two and met some wonderful people such as Lars from Die Fetten Koketten Soubretten.

The common areas in the Southbank Centre also worked very well in encouraging interaction between people in different choirs. On one of our breaks Philip R and I shared a table with Bernd from DFKS as well. So whether you were at a bar getting a drink or having a sandwich on the terrace there was always someone you could talk to.

It certainly helped when people wore their Various Voices tags. The neck straps in particular were very obvious, and they acted as a signal to say, "Yes, it is okay to come chat with me!" I've made loads of new friends at VVL and am really looking forward to performing with them in the future.

Cabaret Stages
These worked a charm! It gave many of the choirs a chance to perform in a less formal setting which suited them, but also enabled members of the public to come and see what the whole festival was about. I ran into an elderly couple who came on the Saturday and had such a good time they came for the remaining two days of the festival, setting themselves up with a table, packed lunch and a thermos of tea. They even took to the dance floor when the Gay Gordons and the Pink Dancers had the stage. Hey! That's what it is all about!